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We Talk to Entertain, Inform, and Persuade.

I couldn't give up my vow after just 40 days of not talking.

I would always write or tell my friends about how I thought relationships could be closer to being perfect then what people think. I know that it's possible, although improbable, to never argue with the one you love. I didn't stop at day 40 because I wasn't okay with not arguing.

During week 4 of my 40 days of silence, I was fencing with a friend. She would claim that I didn't hit her numerous times and I just couldn't let that go. I wanted to argue with her. That I won a long time ago. That I was the best. That's when I started having a sort of out of perspective moment that I couldn't let go of this small insignificant thing. I eventually won the match by 1, but it just got me thinking about the whole persuasive purpose of talking.

When a friend told me that he read about a guy that gave up talking and got his Masters in Communication at the same time, he mentioned how much people try to impose their will when they talk. I realized during my first urge to argue that it made me angry that I couldn't impose my own will/idea that I won, even when I truly believed it. I couldn't let go and it was already week 4. I felt that I haven't improved or changed at all.
I hated feeling like I was standing still after giving up such a big part of my life.

Week 5 didn't feel like it was going to be the last week I gave up talking. I then decided in the following week that 40 days of silence wasn't enough. I had to do it for longer and I didn't know for how long. When my friends kept asking how long I thought I was going to do it. I told them maybe 50, 80, or 100. I didn't know how long it was going to take. I told them that I was still searching for something. I now know that something was purpose. A reason I was doing all this. Or maybe I was looking for a lesson or a big picture. I wanted to find some sort of revelation or just a tiny piece of enlightenment or something. Something that makes it so it wasn't wasted time.
The crazy thing about practicing Buddhism is the risk that the Enlightenment that you search for might not even exist. But in order to achieve something that might be impossible is to let go of everything and run towards your goal.

Week 6 wasn't any better. Week 7 is when it began to hit me. I began learning to let go. Week 8 of no talking I lost a match. I was angry. I wanted to argue, but I'm glad I didn't. Things were getting easier to let go. Week 9 my friend says, "but there are times we do need to argue."
Ironically, I didn't want to argue with him even though I completely disagreed. I wanted to tell him how wrong he was, but what's the point?

People believe what they want to believe.
And if you believe you NEED to argue, then your going to. It's inevitable because of self fulfilling Prophecy. The key to doing anything is first believing you can. That's where the foundation lies. If I can believe that I can be passive and never ever need to argue with anyone, then I can do it. Easy.

I'm trying to help someone quit smoking and I'm going to do everything I can to help him. Even if he doesn't believe he can do it himself, I believe enough to successfully help him quit.

It all starts with belief.

[April 22]

We communicate for only 3 reasons.

1. To Entertain
2. To Inform
3. Or to Persuade

Out of those 3, I thought the hardest to give up would be "to entertain," since about 70% of what I say is usually a joke. I was afraid that if I took a full vow of silence, which included laughing, that I would get depressed since I'm so used to laughing at everything.

My next fear, 3 weeks later, was that I wouldn't have a voice when I start talking again, or that I'll lose my voice easily if I talked too loud, to much, or too quick.

When people ask me what have I learned, it's a bit overwhelming.
I start to think about where I would begin a story like that:
Should I first share my expectations? The surprises? What I've experienced? What I've learned? Or how bout how difficult it was? (it's actually easier to quit talking then it is to quit smoking)

(Another thing I surprisingly hear a lot of is, "what about your nephews?" I don't quite understand that question. My nephews only know about 5 or 6 words. They would have no understanding of what I would try to say to them.)

The first 2 weeks were the hardest. I had to adjust to NOT talking at home (and even not talking when I'm by myself). I'm used to thinking out loud, singing in the shower, and trying to teach my dog new tricks like sneezing on command (I successfully did that 2 weeks ago from now).

Everything I wanted to say or felt that I needed to say, kind of just backed up in a queue in my head. Words and sentences of things I wanted to say were saved constantly and it felt like my head was going to explode.
The only way of breaking the queue cycle was to try to get used to just letting things go. I had to realize what was really important to try to communicate and let go of everything else. Not talking has taught me the true value of words.

About 3 or 4 weeks into the vow, I adjusted from writing everything down on a piece of paper to using an app that spoke in a British girl's voice. It was fun to mess around when you sound like a British woman. It made making jokes a lot easier. It felt like I was cheating, but it easily fulfilled all my needs to entertain others.

5 to 6 weeks in towards the end of Lent, I was fearful that I would never get my voice back. I had dreams and nightmares that I couldn't talk anymore. I just couldn't give up my vow on the note that I was just afraid and wanted to start talking ASAP. I wanted to quit on my own terms and not on my own fears.

So I extended my vow. I wanted to argue against fear. Nobody should ever do anything because of fear. So at the risk of forever losing my voice (which was my nightmare) I told myself that I would hit some sort of unknown mark of maybe 50, 80, or 100 days of not talking.

Plus I also extended it to spite my friend that always complains about "how I'm doing Lent wrong."

He should try giving up complaining for 40 days.

[April 08, 2010]

by Jojo Josafat on Wednesday, July 20, 2011 at 2:40pm ·

I promised a friend that I would help her with a phobia just like how I helped another friend get rid of her fear of Lana.

I also told some friends that I would help them quit smoking (as long as the desire to quit is there).

The technique below gets rid of anxiety toward whatever causes it such as cravings, addictions, and/or phobias.

It was derived from a professional therapist who wanted to find a faster way of curing peoples' psychological problems and so he traveled the world learning and combining different techniques and came up with this: The Basic Callhan Technique amongst other techniques to cure psychological problems.

I never really understood how it worked, or how it cured my friend from being scarred of my dog, up until this girl from my Biology class named Carla explained that she used the same techniques and actually knew more about how to get rid of anxiety (she was putting these anti-anxiety drops I've never seen before in her mouth while I was driving her back to school from the zoo). She said It was important to follow the first step:

The Basic Callahan Technique

1. Ask yourself on a scale of one to ten, how severe is your urge or fear? Make sure you think about what gives you anxiety.

2. With two fingers from your right hand tap 15 to 20 times directly under the right eye. About half an inch to one inch is perfect. You do not have to tap very hard.

3. Now tap directly under the right armpit, approximately three to four inches down. Tap 15 to 20 times.

4. Find the collarbone point. This is located approximately one-half inch below the small dip in the front of the neck, and two to three inches over on the right side of the chest. You are looking for the top of the collarbone. Tap 15 to 20 times.

5. Find the "gamut spot" on the back of the left hand. This is located between the little finger and ring finger, approximately one inch below the "V" on the back of the hand. Tap repeatedly on this spot as you do the following:

Keep your eyes open for five seconds.

Close your eyes for five seconds.

Open your eyes for five seconds.

While keeping your head still, move your eyes down to the right and hold for five seconds.

While keeping your head still, move your eyes down to the left and hold for five seconds.

Roll your eyes in a circle to the right.

Roll your eyes in a circle to the left.

Count to five out loud.

Hum a tune for five seconds, out loud.

Count to five out loud again.
While keeping your head straight, look down as far as you can and slowly move your eyes upward until you are looking up as high as you can.

6. Take three slow, long, deep breaths.

7. Ask yourself on a scale from one to ten what your urge, craving, or anxiety is now. If the urge or craving is gone you are finished with the process. If it is the same, higher, or slightly lower, repeat the process one more time.

This basic technique should dramatically reduce, or completely eliminate, the urge, the desire, the craving, or the fear.

Using this basic technique EVERY time you have anxiety, over time, produce dramatic long-term results.

(I really hope I typed all the directions correctly on my iPhone. Let me know if you noticed any grammatical or spelling errors)

For lent I always want to try to do something harder then the previous year. Last year I gave up saying "No" (maybe hanging out with my pothead friend during that time was such a good idea). For this year I was thinking about giving up eating or talking.

As for giving up eating, my friend asked me why I don't just give up meat. I told him it was the same thing except I would have to force myself to eat vegetables which I've only done once (I think). Me being a meatatarian is kind of a run on joke between me and my healthy eating friend.

So it's been 4 days since I've stopped talking.

I've now noticed how much I communicate with my dog. I miss telling her positive things like "What's up Bitch?" and good girl.

My mom keeps making fun of me, telling my aunt that I'm crazy, saying that I told my grandma that I was Buddhist (which is the usual response I get when I tell my relatives), and asking me what weird religion I'm practicing now? She got confused when I told her that Lent was a Catholic tradition and I've been practicing it since I was barely 18 and started driving to church (My mom is Protestant and my dad is Catholic). My uncle confirmed that it was catholic.

At first it was kind of difficult.
I felt stressed out that I can't speak, but at peace because I didn't have to.
My inner monologue was going crazy the first couple days which was really distracting to what ever I was doing, but it calmed down and I've gotten used to the adjustment. What ever I would say out loud used to just linger in my head so I had to learn to let go of whatever I wanted to say at an internal level.

When your with people it just feels like your waiting. It's like your in the world but not participating. Just like your this observer that can't do anything or change anything to your will. The world is different when you feel like your not a part of it.

To be continued every week...

My parents raised me to believe that there is a perfect relationship. They did this by never fighting infront of me. At night when I would head to my room, I would hear them discussing disputes and talking about how to raise us properly.

Although it may seem unlikely, I do believe that a relationship can be perfect. When I hear women say that they have to work so hard, suffer for the one they love, ignore so many bad things (or events/one big event) about their significant others because "relationships aren't easy," it drives me crazy.
Most relationships are hard, of course; but I always wonder why would they put up with so much crap?
There is an episode of Scrubs when a guys tries to break up with his girlfriend and realizes that she too hates the relationship but stays because she would rather be in a bad relationship, then be alone. I always wonder if that could be the case. Are some women just afraid to be alone?

Is it self value? Do the women in difficult relationships think they can't do any better? Or do they think, "this is it; I invested so much into him and we have this long history, why stop now?"

As I write this, there are a couple of girls I do have in mind and I love them to death, so it breaks my heart to know that they're "man" has cheated on them or abused them in some way that's unacceptable.
Why give him a second chance? (or a fourth one?)
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I have this rule of just one chance.
If a girl fucks that up, why would I say, "That's cool, whatever." and let them get away with it unpunished?

That sort of mentality teaches men that it's okay to be a jerk if I'm just more careful to not get caught next time. Or maybe I need to work on becoming a better liar. Do women ever think that the reason men are such jerks is because they allow them to?

If you cheat on me when were dating, I"m only lead to think your going to cheat on me later on because there was no punishment and we did not break up.
If you don't break up with your man when he cheats on you, it only teaches him in his next relationship to not get caught. I know that there is a cycle of women out there teaching men to cheat, lie, or abuse women. Why don't they just rationally think about the situation (which is pretty hard with all feelings considered). Stick to your guns and know that it's okay to be alone, then it is to torture yourself into thinking that people will one day change when you "don't punish them."

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I feel that even though I haven't been in a real Long Term Relationship (according to one of my friend's standards), I still think it's possible to be in a Perfect Relationship.

For something to be possible, it all starts with the belief of it.
If you don't think it's possible, then maybe it isn't. There are self sabotaging women out there that can't handle relationships with no problems. A friend once told me his high school girlfriend was like that (surprisingly to my cousin she wasn't white). They can deem them boring and start poking at the relationship trying to find a problem. If one can't be found, one will be made because of self-fulfilling prophecy.
If your relationship isn't perfect, maybe you should try thinking it is for the sake of staying with him/her so that when things go right, you won't try to find things that are wrong to justify a good relationship.

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I think a good foundation of a relationship should start with a person finding themselves. Is it okay for you be alone?
Have you ever been alone? I know a lot of people that have very little time to find out what it's like to be single. I even know some that would start a new relationship by cheating on the previous one. That was actually the story of my frist girlfriend. That was also sort of the situation of my last one.