My Darkest Day

There were only 2 times in my life where I didn't think I was going to survive.

One was last week. The other was a couple years ago during my darkest time ever,
I was talking to a girl the last time I was at Coffee Bean about my second to last time there,
I told her that I haven't come back since I met my friends ex-girlfriend there and actively ignored her on purpose. I found out the following week that the girl died only a couple of days after I saw her. She overdosed.

I'd be lying if I said it didn't affect me. She was the only girl I ever hated because of the shit she gave to one of my closest friends at the time. I didn't really care for her. Even when she died. I didn't know much about her other then the things my friend told me. She was close to my friends family, even after death. My friend couldn't attend the funeral so I took his place with his family and went to her funeral. It was the saddest (sorriest) funeral I have ever been to, The only pictures they had were of her smoking and drinking. Looks like they came straight from her myspace pages. The ones she would never let her parents see, yet, they were all there at her funeral.

They say never to wear white at a funeral. I don't know why I did. I guess I just wasn't thinking about what color my shirt was at the time. The next couple of days were harsh on me. My friend picks me up later that day and asks me how I was doing and I just burst into tears. Something came over me. I've never done that in front of my friends before. It was really embarrassing for me to do so. I just couldn't hold the tears in and wait till I was alone. The next couple of days I felt like I was constantly attacked.
I felt alone. I felt sad. I felt deserted by all my closest friends. I never told anyone this story. I was afraid that it would only get worse.

It got so bad that I was drained. I had no energy and wanted to go to bed but was afraid. Something was following me. It's a frightening feeling when you don't know what's going on and you don't know why you feel the way you do.

I looked for help from all my friends and even my cousin. I tried to talk to them to look for answers. It didn't help much. They thought I was full of myself. Even my closest girl friend was against me. My friends thought I was just going through some sort of weird phase and when it comes to anything religious, there was just nothing they could do.
I try to tell everyone that my religious background was that my mom was Protestant and my dad was Catholic. I consider myself Buddhist regardless of my mom's disagreement. I've read books and heard stories from my high school professors which I thought from then on was the religion for me. My friends are either agnostic, christian, or catholic. It's not that we don't get along when it comes to beliefs, but during that time, I felt that my atheist/agnostic friends were completely against me and that I was full of myself about trying to talk to them about philosophy.

The 4th day came and I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't think I was going to make it through the night. There was something next to me waiting for me to give up during my weakest moment. That fourth night I finally talked to my pursuer. It was her. Or something posing as her. She wanted to live through me. She wanted me to allow her to posses me. I told her no. She couldn't have the life she threw away. I reminded her of the love she had with my friend. I told her that if she really loved him, then she should let go and leave. She wasn't welcomed anymore. That night I slept like a baby.